Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Coming to Terms

It's no secret to you that the last seven months of my life have been a challenge. We all expect to bury our parents but Mother's death came out of left field. 

I had started to be in a better place when I got robbed and that se me back. Now I am back in a better place and am feeling more like my old self. I am coming to terms with what happened.

Mom's birthday was last week and I got through it so I am grateful. I am learning to count my blessings each day because everyday is a gift.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014


Mom was in her house for 55 years. The amount of stuff that I need to clean out is unreal. The house is neat and orderly but it is an overwhelming task. I have had 1-800-junk out several times and they are great. I am currently in the process of boxing up books and that in itself is a full time job. I am trying to streamline my own collections so that I am able to live a clutter free life. Everytime a load of stuff leaves the house I feel lighter.

Do you live with clutter or without?

Monday, November 10, 2014

Time Off

I am jetting off on a short trip soon. I will be visiting Mother's childhood friend and her husband.  It will be a much needed break from the tumult.  I am excited to have a few days off to unwind and relax.
I have so much going on right now that my head is spinning.  I can hardly believe thst Thanksgiiving is In a few short weeks. Until tomorrow

Sunday, November 9, 2014


I am sorry that I have not updated in awhile. October was the worst month ever.  Being robbed was devastating and landed me on antidepressants. I could barely get out of bed. It took me a few weeks to feel better. I am doing a lot better now and feel much more like myself.

I have out my house on the market and am looking forward to a fresh start. I simply cannot deal with managing a house alone. It's too much.

I promise I will get back to regular posts.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014


My contactir left his helper alone in my house on Saturday. My safe was taken. All of my Mom's, Grandmom's and my jewelry is gone

Sunday, October 12, 2014

weekend recp

This was one crazy weekend. First off it was an excellent shopping weekend. I adore fleece and ended up with a new Janska Fleece Coat.. They have many styles and are the perfect addition to any wardrobe.

Last week I told you that I had to have a bathroom redone. Well the tile person was here yesterday and ripped out the bathroom tile only to hit the water line. Thank goodness the damage was minimal but it really unnerved me.  My nerves cannot take construction. I hate the mess and the fact that no one shows up on time.  I hate it. Does this bother you or what?

I am so conflicted about so many things right now. To make matters worse my coworker (whom I like) feels that the death of my Mother has caused me to take advantage of my flexible schedule at work.. What?? I try my best to meet all of my commitments and I hate when things happen too. But sometimes things don't go my way and I need to be accommodated. Ugh.

Hope you had a good weekend.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014


I know that I have been a lazy blogger. Life has been very hectic..the Jewish Holidays, household issues and work have all taken their toll.  Reality is setting in on me (actually crashing in).  The past few weeks without Mom have been very tough.  Celebrating the holidays were a major challenge.  We both loved fall and not having her here is very daunting.

Last week I noticed a small wet spot on my ceiling. The plumber came and cut a hole in the ceiling. I need a new bsthroom floor and drainpipe. The joys of being a homeowner!

Sorry to complain! Until next time

Sunday, September 14, 2014

The Days of Awe

The Jewish Holidays are rapidly approaching and with them come certain gradients. One of those traditions is cemetary visiting.  A friend of Mother's was kind enough to accompany me cemetary.  I had been at zmom's grave in July but it was nice to have some company today.  Oddly enough the cemetary brings me peace and not distress which is fortunate.  What a difference a year makes. A year ago today I would have never though that Mom would not be here.  I am still in shock.

Saturday, September 6, 2014


I was always a planner and then I moved in with Mom and she was the planner. I stilled planned but I deferred and now I am back to being the planning. My Lilly Pulitzer Agenda is glued to me and I write everything down. I need an agenda because I would completely forget everything that I need to accomplish.

I am good at everyday planning but now need to create a master plan for myself. Before Mom died I thought that I would move away to a warm climate and leave my roots behind. Now that Mom is no longer with us I realize that I would lose a part of her if I moved away. Our life together was here and I am not ready to part with that life.  The first step of my master plan is to clean out my house and figure out where and if I want to move.  Originally I thought that I would moved to another area of Philadelphia but again I am not ready.  I am still grieving and need to be with familiar things. My responsibilities have changed a lot in the past four months. I went from being a full time daughter to having more household responsibilities.  I feel as though I am in control now and for that I am grateful.  It's hard to figure all of these things out but I will  let my faith guide me.

What are your thoughts?

Friday, September 5, 2014

Turning the Corner

It's no secret that the last few months have been awful. I have been on an emotional roller coaster. However I am happy to report that I have turned the corner.  Don't be mistaken I am still very sad and my heart is heavy but I am better.

On Tuesday I blew up at someone I work with. I know that he likes to make a joke about everything (because he cannot handle anything) and I had enough! After I blew up I felt like a dark cloud had been lifted.

I feel better.

Here are some throwback photos!

Monday, September 1, 2014

Summer's End

Summer was Mom 'a favorite season. She would get teary on Labor Day. I always embraced Fall but today I too am teary. It is just another reminder of the emptiness in my heart.

This summer I have experienced the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I have been wined and dined, looked after by good friends and neighbors and embraced by acquaintances.  I will spend the next few months giving back to those who gave to me.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Hard Choices

I have to admit that I don't always fine Joan Rivers to be funny but she does inspire me.  She picked herself up after the suicide of her husband. She reinvented herself and now is facing the battle of her life. I can empathize with her her daughter Melissa and can only imagine the anguish that she is going through.  After going through a similar experience with Mom (she was not on a ventilator but we decided -according to her wishes to let her go also) Joan Rivers is constantly on my mind as is her daughter.

Life ending choices are difficult ones. I don't usually discuss them with many people because not everyone agrees with my views. As heartwrenching as it was to let Mom go I know that it was the right thing to do.  She would not have wanted to end up with no vision and unable to walk or to feed herself.   People often ask me if this choice was based on my religious beliefs.  Oddly enough Orthodox Jews (I am Conservative) do not belief in taking people off of ventilators or enabling the dying process in any way at all. It is a personal choice and one that is best discussed with family ahead of time. 

How do you feel about end of life issues?

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Confessions of an Insomniac

Let me preface this by saying that I don't buy too many things from the tv shopping channels (I do buy Wen from QVC).  Since Mom passed away I have not slept well and have seen many hours of QVC programming during the night. One of the items that I have wanted to purchase is foundation from IT Cosmetics.  I did not order  it from QVC because I usually prefer instant gratification in lieu of waiting for packages to arrive (and I also do not like to pay for shipping). Today I headed to Ulta and purchased it .  The coverage is amazing and I am sure that I will purchased it in the future from QVC  because they have promotional prices on a regular basis.

Do you purchase things from TV?? Just curious.

Sunday, August 24, 2014


Mom will be gone four months tomorrow. Time passes quickly but moves slowly if you know what I mean.  Some days are easier than others. I am happy at the end of a day that I am not weepy and angry when the tears flow too much. It's all part of the process.

The paperwork is almost done and now I have started to tackle all of the stuff. It is Jewish tradition during the first thirty days after a death to get rid of the clothes of the deceased. I did that and I am grateful that I did. Now I am tackling the drawers and drawer of stuff and the mounds of paper (ie financial papers etc.).  It was hard to go through the stuff in the beginning. Now it is cathartic and I feel good when I can shred things and take things to Goodwill. It makes me feel better and it eases the stress.

I am grateful for great friends, neighbors and co-workers who have helped me so much through this very dark time.  Mom always used to say that she was grateful to have me or she would have been so lonely.  I used to underestimate the power of that of statement and now I understand it completely. As anxious as I am for the weekend to come around (after a stressful week of work) I make sure to keep busy because when the loneliness sets in it is hard.  I know that in time I will be happy to have some alone time.  I used to crave alone time (because I never had any) and now it is an enemy.  It is funny how life changes.

On a lighter note I am loving the cooler weather and am looking forward to the week ahead.

Monday, August 11, 2014


There's no doubt that the past few months have been hard. I have found that I have been hard on myself too. I get upset when I upset someone and was told today that I am needy. 

A friend gave me an article on what it means to be emotionally secure. Obviously from the article I am not. My family members are emotionally secure but I am not.  I need to work on that. Do you get upset when people prey on your flaws?


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